Soda Cracker Pizzas

Lord help me I have become my father! I find myself making lunch “pizzas” al father Frank who once invited me to lunch to enjoy the same. When I arrived at the appointed hour he was so proud that he could “cook” that he wanted it to be part of the visit. So I showed up at whatever hour and dad was happy to see me with his usual “um” greeting. He proudly laid out about eight soda crackers on the plate and smeared some tomato sauce on them. Then he deftly cut a slice of cheddar cheese from the brick purchased at the buy-it-by-the pallet discount grocery store hack it with a cleaver. The slab of cheese was then cut into quarters with each quarter fitting right on each of the salty squares of cheap saltine cracker with generic tomato sauce on it. This plate of delicious food was then put in the marvelous invention of the 1970’s which was the microwave. My dad actually had one and was not the cutting edge, but the second wave of microwave owners.

This microwave was the size of a mini refrigerator and proudly sat on the counter taking up most of the space next to the regular frig. Food went in and a timer was turned to the seconds or minutes that were wanted and it ticked ticked ticked away until it “dinged”. The dish had to be rotated a quarter of a turn partway through the cooking a couple of times to even out the heating. My dad had taken to this device and had come declare this was the way, the truth, and the light of the stomach, he that believeth in this shall not perish but shall gain weight undenied. This new machine seemed to consume little energy, take very little time, and made amazing food that even my dad could master. Yes, father Frank had been experimenting with his nutrition, gourmet delights and this new notion of high food service. He had developed a whole set of “dishes” that he now made himself as a retired person puttering around the house all day and in charge of making his own lunch.

After the “ding” of the microwave the plate was rotated the quarter turn, and the machine reset for a few more seconds. After the next “ding” I was server my lunch. My dad fixed his lunch and talked about how he had gone through about six different combinations of time, and ingredients in the microwave and had finally perfected the microwave soda cracker pizza. Well I am here to say that perfection is not exactly what he had done. I am sorry dad, god rest your soul, but that was some sorry shit that I ate and I don’t know what food source you were working from, but cheese, tomato sauce on a soda cracker heated in a microwave is not yet perfected as a servable meal. There is an idea there, but I’m thinking that anyone with taste buds and a nose that works would not ask for seconds or even finish the firsts unless they were really hungry and I think I was at that time in my life.

Ok, 30 years after my introduction to Father Frank’s Pizza, I find myself here in the kitchen slamming soda crackers on a plate with cheese and tomato sauce getting ready to put them in the microwave and thinking back on that first lunch with my dad and his new microwave. I must add that I have now added three cheeses, Romano, parmesan, and cheddar cheeses, and incorporated tomato sauce that has sun dried tomatoes, garlic, oregano, and extra virgin olive oil, plus all the “other ingredients” that make a good pizza. I smeared this sauce on the soda crackers with a pasty brush and layered the cheese on the crackers and spaced them on a plate before I put them it in the microwave. Isn’t that basically what my dad did? I think that was it. He was so proud and so happy that he could make lunch for his son who said he had made food for the stars. Back then I ate that shit in my house, or I mean partook of the really poor lunch repast. My dad was so happy he could make me a good lunch. I think he did a piece of Velveeta on white bread before I was done that day. Forty seconds in the microwave. He called it a “toasted cheese sandwich”. I think I reminded him that the bread was not really toasted, but he said if he toasted it then it would cost more money to heat up the bread and cook it and what good would that do it was going to be eaten anyway. Can’t argue with logic like that. And I found my daughters refusing to eat my “toasted cheese sandwiches” that consisted to two pieces of toast with butter on the outside, and cheese on the inside placed in the microwave to melt. The girls say that is not a toasted cheese sandwich, but there was toast and cheese, much closer than my dad’s version of white bread and Velveeta.

Well, too bad. I thinking toasted: got it covered, I toasted the bread. Cheese, there is plenty of that on my toasted cheese microwave sandwich. I don’t have to clean a pan or really make a big mess. This was an easy way do a toasted cheese sandwich. Eat it and love it or shut up and make yourself something else and be sure to clean up the mess when you get done.

Now the soda cracker pizza has become part of my food staple. Well, that one is a under construction. I have got a pizza sauce that I have made from sun dried tomatoes, garlic, tomato paste, tomato sauce, onions, oregano, and Romano cheese (plus salt, pepper and such), that has worked well so far on the crackers. The new version has a piecesof salami layered on top of the sauce with three kinds of cheese and then the last piece of salami on top with some sprinkles of parmesan. This is pretty good and I think will become the standard bear of the quick lunch fare. The salami is cut into quarters and fits right on top of the piece of soda cracker. The way, the truth and the light. This is the great treat for sitting in front of the tube and watching Law and Order or some talking heads. I think this is way beyond my dad.